When you are struggling in relationships, there are three choices you can make. The first is maintaining the status quo- things as usual. In this mode people often avoid change, blame the other, or indulge in self-pity and hopelessness. The second option is to check out or end the relationship, believing that a new person or new situation will create a different result. The interesting thing about option 2 is that you take the unchanged you into the next relationship!

The third option is working to make the relationship better- often with the help of a therapist.

Here is the dilemma with option 3: you can only change you. Sometimes this is enough to change the dynamics in the relationship. This option requires commitment to accept new perspectives and to face your own issues. We are often unaware of how others are experiencing us and we spend most communication defending our point of view. We need to look inside rather than outside ourselves to understand what is going on in the interchange between myself and others. Option 3 is difficult for defensive or stubborn folks!

-Larcy